wrong mindset of girls who want to get married

(Patty longs to give herself completely to someone to have a deep soul relationship with that special guy, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.)

But God, said to Patty:

No Patty. Not until you are satisfied and content with being loved by me alone. Until you give yourself totally to me to have an intense, personal and unique relationship with me alone, discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found. Will you then be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you only Patty?
Patty, you will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusively of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and I want you, Patty, to allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing -one that you cannot imagine- to have the best. Please allow me to bring it to you Patty.
Just keep watching me Patty, expecting the greatest things! Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning to the things I tell you. You just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious. Don't look at things you want. Patty, keep looking up at me or you'll miss what I have to show you. And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could have dreamed of Patty.
You see Patty, until you are ready; I am working-even in this very moment-to put both you and someone else ready at the same time. Until you're BOTH satisfied exclusively with me, and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies the relationship you have with me. And this perfect love is dear. And dear one, I want you to have the most wonderful love. Patty, I want you to see, in the flesh, a picture of your relationship with me, and enjoy material and concrete things everlasting. I want you to have union of beauty, perfection, and love, and Patty I want you to offer it to myself.
Know that I love you utterly. I am the Almighty God. Believe it Patty and be satisfied. I want this Patty. Do you?

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thanks Shanna for sharing this with me...
now i share it with all the girls.
come one put your own name on the letter.

Patty wants this God.

Patty,

I don't want you to take this as a personal attack of any kind. But I disagree with your note and I'd like to share why.

<(Patty longs to give herself completely to someone to have a deep soul relationship with that special guy, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.)>

This is a good, healthy, natural, God-given desire.

<But God said to Patty: No Patty. Not until you are satisfied and content with being loved by me alone.>

This simply isn't true. And it's a trap I've seen so many of my friends fall into. I was told once by a woman I admire that she only met her husband once she found her contentment in her relationship with God. And she encouraged me to do the same thing that Shanna is encouraging you to do. The problem is that this mind-set is not backed in scripture, and in real life I can think of numerous examples of people longing to be in a relationship and nothing else and then finding their "one and only" and live happily ever after without finding their contentment in God first.

Nowhere in scripture does God put a prerequisite on receiving a blessing from him. Instead he says, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing.” (prov 18:22) And “ask whatever you desire and it will be given.” (john 15:7)

<Until you give yourself totally to me to have an intense, personal and unique relationship with me alone, discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found will you then be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you.>

This is not Biblical. Look at every and any good, long-lasting, Christian model of marriage. None are perfect. And none are “As perfect as they need to be” or even “perfect for each other”. All these married people were born sinful and imperfect, they got married while still sinful and imperfect, and they will die sinful and imperfect. But the beautiful thing about marriage is that God uses it to refine us as individuals. “As iron sharpens iron so does one man sharpen the countenance of his friend.” (Prov 27:17)

God does not reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. He causes the rain to fall on the just and the unjust alike (Matt5:45). He is a God of grace and mercy, giving what is not deserved and withholding what is deserved. There is no formula.

<Patty, you will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusively of any other desires or longings.>

There fundamentally incorrect assumption with this statement is the assumption that there is someone out there for you. This may break your heart, but there is no such assurance. God does not promise us marriage, especially in this day when Christian women outnumber Christian men by about 4 to 1. I’m not saying that there isn’t someone out there for you, I’m simply saying that that is a poor assumption. And the thought that once I get my life right with God then I will get what I want will lead to disappointment and confusion because God may have you remain single for quite awhile. Or he may have you meet “the one” next week while your life is still not perfect. BUT PERFECT UNION WITH GOD IS NOT POSSIBLE THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN. Only once we die will be perfectly united with God.

God doesn’t want us to earn our salvation, and he doesn’t want us to earn his blessings. He wants to shower us with his grace and compassion and he wants us to rely on his better judgment that if we aren’t married it’s for the glory of God. Remember the blind man that the disciples asked if it were because of his parents lack of perfect union with God or the man’s own lack of perfect union with God and God simply said that it was for his own glory (john 9). Perfection isn’t the goal. Trusting your life to God, even if you die a virgin, is the goal. And it’s hard.

<And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you could have dreamed of.>

If this means, “Surprise! God is the only love you’ll ever experience.” Then, yes. Expect that. But I suspect that that isn’t the surprise you’re hoping for or writing about. Most girls whom I’ve seen with this mindset become bitter and cantankerous “waiting patiently” for God to surprise them.

<You see Patty, until you are ready, I am working to put you and someone else ready at the same time. Until you’re BOTH satisfied exclusively with me, and the life I have prepared for you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies the relationship you have with me…Patty, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and enjoy material and concrete things.>

This is not found in scripture anywhere. God does not say that he wants us to experience material earthly things that describe his spiritual relationship with us. While those relationships do exist, and they are a good picture, God wants us to have faith and an everlasting relationship with him. But in heaven “they will be neither male nor female” (Luke 20:34-35, gal 3:28), thus no marriage, and thus, you’re earthly marriage is only until “death do we part.”

A better way to prepare for marriage is to simply prepare for marriage. Because, by preparing for marriage, you are becoming more like Christ. Statistically speaking, most of our girl friends will either never get married or will get divorced. But have hope, God is bigger than statistics. What are some attributes beneficial to marriage?

                -Gentleness

                -Kindness

                -Loveliness

                -Good with kids

                -welcoming of new friends

                -cleanliness

                -healthiness

                -good prayer life

And the list goes on. And what of these things would not be beneficial to a single person? I was in a small group Bible study a few months ago when this very issue was brought up. Venessa was saying how she’s a better cook than Melody and she enjoys cleaning but Melody doesn’t but Melody is married and Venessa isn’t. She said how unfair it was that Venessa would come help cook dinner and clean (not just for Melody but for many of her newly-wed friends) and when the husband got home the friend would get the kiss. Clearly (at least to Venessa), Venessa was more qualified to be married. Melody was sitting right there and agreed. Melody said she didn’t understand it, why would she clearly lack all things needed to be a good wife but get married while Venessa would have them all and not get married? And it’s for the glory of God, it’s because it’s good for their souls.

It’s somehow a very comforting thought that the reason we don’t have what we want in life is because we haven’t yet earned it. We like to be able to achieve things. We like to be able to be good enough to get married, or have a kid, or win the game, or whatever. But God just wants to bless us. And that blessing isn’t deserved. It’s a gift.

So, Venessa is bitter. She’s nearly 30. Melody is married and she doesn’t deserve it. And like every married couple, they fight, they argue, they disagree because they are still imperfect sinners. And they always will be. But they are refining each other. They are being molded together. They are two distinct imperfect sinners being grafted onto each to form one branch off Christ.

Another one of the newly-wed (and new mother) spoke up in this Bible study. She said that she completely appreciates it when her non-married girl friends come and help her out around the house. And this is where I gained a new perspective – It isn’t about me. She said singleness is a blessing. It’s a gift. And while I don’t know what she meant, I took it to mean that my singleness is a gift to the body of Christ just like any gifting we’ve been given. If I have the gift of tongues, it’s for the benefit of the assembly. If I have the gift or prophecy, it isn’t just for me. If I have the gift of charity, it doesn’t make sense until I share that gift. And so, being single is a gift to help those who are not single. God gives gifts to benefit the entire body (Eph 4:12) and he never intends on us to horde our gifts. He never wants us to be selfish.

So, Venessa while being bitter, should instead use her gifts as a way to lift up the body of believers. It’s good for her soul and it’s what God intended for her to do.

Find contentment in God. But don’t expect to ever manipulate God into giving your desires. Abide in his word, and he will abide in you, and then he will transform your will into his and only then will he grant you your desires, but they may not be what you originally think they are.