family and friends

     I've heard it said that friends come and go but family lasts forever. I must admit that most of my life I've not read this as a blessing but rather took it to mean "you're stuck". I would say, "I didn't choose this family, but I chose my friends."
     I've been in conversations where my peers would say that their family is the best because of such-and-such a reason. And another would say that no, their's was the best. I don't know if they were being honest but I always assumed they were and I still think so. But I rarely chimed-in because I didn't think my family was better.
    One reason for not thinking my family was so great, is that their main form of communication is arguing and banter. I find it stressful and unproductive. I haven't always lived with my family, and once when I went to visit them and was in the middle of one argument I asked why they were arguing and the response I received was "this is how we talk, if you don't like it, you'll just have to get used to it." I never did, and I don't expect that I ever will. I dislike arguing. If there is a disagreement, I think there are more productive ways to come to a resolution than to raise voices and defenses.
    I've had many circles of friends. I've moved around a lot as a child because my father worked for the department of defense with the navy. I haven't had those friends since childhood like some people have, or even the friends since high school, and I don't currently have any really close friends. But I'm not trying to illicit sympathy, and if you read on I'll share why...
    I think one reason that I've even now been searching for my friends is that I don't feel "at home" with my family (due to the language barrier). This past year I have had many different groups of friends. One group seriously let me down - well, not the entire group but a few key people in the group. One specific friend there hurt me so deeply that I decided to just not spend any time with her; not that I'd avoid her, but just that I wouldn't actively seek out spending time with her like I had in the past. I did this because I found that our relationship was not glorifying to God being filled with gossip, judgment and manipulation.
    But at some point I had forgiven her. She was no longer such a large part of my life, and when I saw her, although slightly awkward, I didn't have those feelings of anger and bitterness. I hadn't focussed on removing those emotions, but because I had removed a bad influence and actively pursued the things of God and just let Christ fill my vision, He just poured down His love and mercy and grace and somehow those vile emotions were removed without my realization. -because God is love and where love is, there is peace. And a heart at peace filled with the love of Christ is going exude those qualities reflective of the Holy Spirit.
    My cure was not to focus on eliminating the sin, but it was to focus on Christ and not worry about the sin -I say that with the understanding that I did eliminate the sinful influence.
   
    I recently decided that I wanted to throw a party. I couldn't decide which circle of friends to choose to invite. It would be a very hard decision because I am only able to invite so many. Who would have fun? Who would appreciate it? Who would want to come? I could not decide. But a thought finally did occur to me that solved it all: friends come and go, but family is forever. This party that I'm hoping to give to my family is going to be very fun filled with treats that the don't often eat. And while I find their idiosyncrasies tedious at times, I know that they love me (in their way) and I love them even though we may not speak the same language.
    Having been around with many circles of friends I have finally learned to appreciate my small family's circle. It may not be the best family, but it is my family.