dilemma of conscience
I'm going to school right now to become a physical therapist. I have four years left and four years worth of tuition to then pay. I will finish my bachelor's program May '08 (I had a four year break in the middle of my college career to pursue dancing) and then three years for the PhD. But I don't really want to be a physical therapist.
I want to be a wife and mom. And after talking to this girl from bsm (Grace, if you recall from a previous post), it made me start thinking that perhaps my focus is in the wrong area. Grace wants to raise her children at home and homeschool them. And I'm not saying that it's some kind of sin to send your kid away to school, and I'm not saying what I will or will not do, but I feel like I should be preparing to teach my kids at home too. I was homeschooled, btw. I am an excellent teacher. I've helped many kids go from failing to As. This is a gift from God so why shouldn't I plan to help my own kids in this area? I did not like the way my parents hoemschooled me, but that doesn't mean that I have to homeschool my kids the same way.
I asked Grace what she wanted to do as far as occupation goes. She gave me a smirk and didn't say anything because she knew that I knew that she just wants to be a "wife and mommy". So she doesn't really have any plans for what to do after she graduates - she wants to have babies and make dinner and clean laundry. So if that's what I want to, why am I planning on spending a small fortune on what I hope to never use?
Well, I had previously thought, "I'll work as much as I can until I have a baby, and then when the kids are off to school, I'll work, and come home when they come home. and that way, we can have lots of fun and expensive toys and vacations." But have you ever heard of Carolyn Mahaney? well, she's one of those pastors' wives. lol- she's the exception to the norm, though. She's awesome. She wrote a book called Feminine Appeal where she goes through Titus 2 and shows the character of a Godly wife and mother. Just in the introduction chapter I was immediately convicted (started reading it this week). Titus 2 says that a wife is to work from the home. So, with this, if I get married, I plan to not use my PT degree.
But what if I never get married? In that case, I think it's ok for me to pursue PT. so I start my PT degree and then I meet someone, and then that's only some tuition wasted. or I get my degree and immediately meet someone - total waste (financially speaking, of course). or I work for a couple of years and then meet someone, maybe I break even. or I don't get the PT degree, work as a teacher in a high school, maybe get a masters in ed or bio and always think that some day I'll get married but I never do -waste? maybe, but when there's just one of you, a teacher's salary is not shabby. Actually teacher's make descent wages anyway, despite what they will try to get you to believe.
There are a couple of dream jobs that I've always um, well, dreamed of having - 1. teach English in Japan. 2. open a private school funded by rich people and sneak in poor underprivileged kids in on scholarship. Neither of these two jobs require a PT degree....Do you see where I'm going with this? - I'm saying that everything logically points away from going for a PT degree. right?
Coincidentally at the same time as all of this, I'm in the process of quitting my current PT tech job and getting a job as a tutor at the university. hmm..."coincidence" or "divinely orchestrated" ???
To sum up -
Carloyn Mahaney
Grace from bsm
current jobs changing
Any thoughts?
Comments
Titus 2 says that a wife is to work from the home.
Does it? The NIV has "busy at home"; the ESV says "working at home"; something on biblegateway.com called Young's Literal Translation gives "keepers of [their own] houses", which I think seems closer to the NIV. All I'd ever assumed that meant was that they took seriously their domestic responsibilities to create and nurture a space where their family could grow and visitors could feel at home, like what the bird in Prov 31 does, and as (and I hope I'm not generalizing too much, here) many women are just really good at doing naturally.
Also, I don't think you need to feel that your desire to work for money outside the home is motivated on greed, as your "ltos of fun and expensive toys and vacations" would appear to suggest you suspect. I mean hey, it might be, but there's lots of other good reasons to work outside the home - one's own sanity, the opportunities for witness, legitimate use of the skills God's given you. Plus, in these days of crazy-a$$ real estate prices, many couples genuinely have no choice but for both of them to have paying jobs.
On the other hand, I totally respect that God may be calling you to the job of a full-time wife and mother. But as you say, you don't necessarily know that's the plan God has for you. So you may as well push all doors within arm's reach at the moment and see which ones open.
Ooh, ooh, I thought of another thing, which will have to go on a third hand which you will have to lend me. Just... just hold it there... thank you. So, on this third hand is the fact that, while tuition's really important, what's more important is doing what you're good at and what you love and being where you're of most use to God. So you mustn't feel that just because you've racked up some tuition fees already this therefore has to be the line you pursue for the rest of your career. That's maybe not the sort of thing one's parents or tutors would say, and their opinion is really really important too, but I just thought I'd add it in for balance.
To sum up, then:
Titus 2 - careful now, does it really?
Hopefully wife but push all doors.
Tuition-schmuition.
Later dude,
N
Thanks. I talked to my parents about some of these things and they brought up a similar point that prov 31 mom worked in the "marketplace".
Keen insight on the "vacation and toys" - yes, I was saying that I'm greedy, and you're right that there are other motivations as well, not all selfish. so I agree, and it's important to pray about whether I am doing something because I want to or because God wants me to.
And I think you're right about tuition - if God has me "waste" money then that's His decision. It's His money anyway, right? and He can spend it any way He chooses. So if He has me off spending money and investing in an upper level degree that I'll not use, its His prerogative.
I think that an underlying precursor to this may be that I just don't have a desire to be a physical therapist. I don't want to put in the hours (or the money as previously mentioned). I'm not a very lazy person, but I do have lazy tendencies. And a PhD is hard work! When I think about doing it, it makes me sad...I know we're not supposed to base things on our emotions, but I decided to slightly change my degree program. This next year will be very difficult. But the following masters/phd program will be lighter work and less tuition. AND I'll have a broader spectrum of job opportunities when I finish - and even if I don't finish, I will still have vast options...including being a mommy ^_^ while doing whatever else, or not.
Thanks for your three hands (I mean your two and my one)...