GodLovesLauren’s blog

I just saw on PWotF's blog "ray of light" and immediately thought "particle physics".
*shakes head disapprovingly*

Then, yesterday, at my friend's house, Psad told a joke (short for Sadler. everyone else calls him "sadler" or "sad" but since his first name starts with a P I'll add the P when writing, and often when saying it as well. You know just like how you would pronounce "Psalm" [Peh-Sahlm] therefore, [Peh-Sad]):
There was a group of scientists sitting on a hill overlooking a neighborhood; a physicist, a biolog and a mathematician. They were observing and conversing the different sights around them when a car drove up to a house and two people got out of the car and went into the house. Shortly after this, three people came out of the house, got into the car and drove away.
The Physicist claimed they misread their instruments when calculating how many people went into the house.
The Biologist insisted they must have procreated.
The Mathematician said, "Clearly, if one more person goes into the house, there will be zero people in the house."

da-dah! I laughed hysterically. This is a funny joke. But no one else at the party got it. SO this just embarrassed me and made me laugh even more and turn BRIGHT red.

And then, just for fun:

My friend just told me that he believes that he is a sinner.
He believes he needs to pay the eternal consequence or let Jesus pay it on the cross.
He believes that Jesus did pay it on the cross.
He believes that God raised Jesus from the dead.
He believes that if he doesn't accept all this then he will go to hell.

so he says that God is unjust and is mad at God because its all true.

"Its all true and I am angry about it."

Another friend says a better understanding of the gospel is in order. and that it definitely isn't fair, in our favor.

What would you do with this situation?

on God's union with the Church. We read about Israel's whorish acts throughout the Old Testament. We read about the atrocities of the Church in history books. We experience our own failed expectations in the Church while seeing leaders fall and corruption run rampant. I've heard so often it said by Christians that they hate the church. -are they so much better? Christ came to save his church. If you aren't willing to admit that you are just as sinful as everyone else in the church, then question whether you belong beside her when Christ comes for her. You can't be beside her, you must join her or stay behind. The church is not full of hypocrites and scoundrels and corruption and sinners and vileness and prejudice and bigots and judgmental, self-righteous jerks. It isn't full, I mean; you can still join us. There's room.
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Though no local church is perfect, and the universal Church often looks more like a cheating spouse than a faithful bride, I identify myself with this bungling bunch of believers. The church is home. The church is God’s beloved. The church has been bought with precious blood.

Though the presence of the Kingdom is not as intensely felt in the church as I would like, it is the sign of the Kingdom in this age, faults and all. And if Jesus is content to give his life for an unruly Church, I must find satisfaction in serving his church with all my heart and soul. Because he died for her, I live for her. - Trevin Wax  © 2007 Kingdom People blog

If you stick with me, I'll tie it all together.

This amuses me: in America, to be a "good" Christian you must be "conservative", and to be a "good, conservative" Christian you must be republican, and the best "good, conservative, republican" Christians also homeschool. 

I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago. I went to public school, private school, and homeschool throughout my childhood and I've never said "my children will absolutely be _____-schooled." I'll make that decision when the time comes. But my friend said, "Can you believe that some Christians homeschool their kids?!" Which has been the exact opposite response that I've ever heard from "good, conservative, republican" Christians who usually say, "can you believe that some Christians don't homeschool?!" Having no conviction of my own in this matter, but feeling that the success of a child is directly linked to how much parental involvement there is no matter which school, I listened to my friend share his alternative perspective. I can't do his perspective justice and I can't get him to write anything down either, so I may have to have the conversation again with him and record it. or something.

Growing up, I lacked stability in my home: My father worked for the DoD and we moved often (on average less than two years per house). So I didn't have proximity to grandparents or cousins. I didn't have "that house I grew up in" with all those fond memories. I didn't have those pesty neighborhood boys, or those great girls next-door. I don't have any of those lasting friendships from childhood (well, a couple). Into my adult years, I found this pattern continuing. I actually decreased the average length of house dwelling. But I still feel that I am constantly seeking out stability. I have no children at this moment, but I feel that when I do have children I want to provide them with stability.

However, with the idea that perhaps I've had a poor perspective on schooling, maybe I've had a poor perspective on housing as well. All along I have known that God wishes to instill in me the satisfaction that only He can bring by breaking all ties to this earth ie not having a home other than heaven. By Him being my only constant, I'm more movable to wherever He desires. Maybe my desire to be that stability for my children is sinful...let me explain: I wish to usurp God's role as all-sufficient care-giver with my own means of providing stability; it isn't that I want to make my kids think "oh Mom, you provide me with stability" but I do want to make their lives easier. Easier isn't always better. So this new alternative perspective is that I should seek to continually give my children over to God and trust that no matter where He moves us, that we are in His plan. Allow him to provide stability and thus increase my children's faith.

I have started  to see my life no longer as a gift given to me in which I may make the most of it (and perhaps be successful or otherwise very happy) but now as a sacrifice that I give in which I do not seek a means of my own fulfillment and gratification but look to see what is of greater benefit to the salvation of others and thus glorify God.
The difference is actually quite subtle with only the substantiating motivation of an action be altered. Previously, I had sought to glorify my Father by being successful at whatever task I felt He put before me by using His gifts and talents. I now look to serve. I now look to where there is need. I now only want to bring people to me my King and damn my own successes.

Precious Remedies Against Satan's Devices - Thomas Brooks

in which Brooks expostulates the summation of my angst. I think I will listen to the sermon again because Presson quotes it well, driving home the point that while we may have "salvation" from hell, salvation was meant for so much more - not just to save us from death but to give us life. And what is this life if we live it as if we were dead?

I very much enjoy shows like Planet Earth and The Blue Planet and Meercat Manor and other nature/animal shows. If all things were naught, that's what I would do all day - watch these shows. But actually, I would like to be the one hiking the trails, boating the oceans, and flying in balloons to capture these great wonders of God's creation on video and still film. So this short post is me saying that if things were different than the way they are, if Christianity and money were nothing, then I would roam the world inspecting life from the microscopic to the galactic. In heaven, I think I will spend the first two millennia capturing land animals, eventually I will move into the sea. There I will spend the next four millennia discovering sea creatures. The following couple millennia I will go into fresh-water. I'll wonder into the desert for a few hours before heading back to the thrown of the Almighty and request that he create a whole new earth where I can re-discover everything again. It'll be like a game. I'll take break on the weekends to catch up with relatives. 

I'm not telling you what to do, but I will share what I've been doing. I've been praying. I started a facebook group expecting no interest called "I want Lauren to pray for me" and I invited almost all my friends to join this group and I would pray for them as often as possible and I added that if there was anything specific they could message me and I would pray more specifically.

well, the group has had a huge turn-out. And I have seen so many prayers answered! Its amazing! Prayer is amazing!

John 15:7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

When I pray for God's people, for God's will, while abiding in Him, He answers. He wants to answer our prayers.

Philippians 4:6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

I've seen friends start going to church, people get jobs, friends witnessing and drawing others to Christ, cancer healed, convictions gained, and more. My frustrations with my friends and the culture cannot be won by my influence. Only through the influence of the Holy Spirit can people's hearts be changed.

Life is so exciting when you're living through Christ's will.

A letter I wrote to a friend:

I'll share a bit of my current frustration with you so you can better understand my prayer needs...also because I feel better after I vent. Mostly because I feel better after I vent.
I realize that I'm no angel and that I have plenty of room for improvement. This is going to sound "harsh" "judgmental" "indignant" and "Self-righteous". There's no forum to address such issues because we don't have a real church, all of us together. And [our school leader] would never do anything. If I say anything, I get criticized. Do I let them go to hell? Let me explain-

I am so tired of seeing my "Christian" friends act so poorly that there is no distinction between them and the world. We all go to the same Bible studies, same churches, same discussions, but when it comes to actually living above reproach I'm not seeing it. I see girls purposefully dressing to get attention, and behaving in such a way just to get attention. They do anything they can to attract attention to themselves. And I see guys not minding at all. I don't see nearly enough people complaining about such behavior. I see people not receiving correction well. I see people manipulating others to get their way. I see the definition of "purity before marriage" as "no penetration -all else is pure". I see people happy to accept mediocrity as acceptable with no desire to actually *know* God. They have their fire insurance and I'm afraid for our friends, the ones we know, and love, and work with, and pray with, that when we go to heaven they will say ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ and He will reply, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’ [Matt 7]

Shawn, I don't see any care for living above the level of reproach. We have conversations about "those Sunday Christians" but I think WE ARE THOSE SUNDAY CHRISTIANS! We say we believe but our lives are mockeries of the cross. Seeing the behavior in others shames me and makes me ashamed of my friends. They give alcohol to under-age children (it may be a bad law, but its still the law). They back-stab. They curse. They enjoy crude comments. They go to parties where drugs are blatantly being used. They enjoy their sin. They have no desire to change. And they think that going on short-term missions proves they are sincere Christians. What damage are they going to do in Cambodia? Kazakhstan? France? Germany? Istanbul? What kind of a legacy are they leaving? Not one of Christ. I actually had one tell me that he wanted to show others that being a Christian wasn't that much different than not being a Christian - and that was his witnessing technique.

This is my frustration. What can be done? 

Every (1st and 3rd) Wednesday night my church has care groups where we go off to someone's house and have a great time of fellowship and discussion. We discussed the sermon from the past Sunday. We're in Ecclesiastes. Chapter I-forget-which-one. For some undisclosed reason, I didn't share any of my thoughts. But someone always said what I was thinking so I didn't feel bad. Until one point where we were talking about death (a rabbit trail). A couple of girls mentioned not wanting to die until they had accomplished a certain number of things (marriage, babies, etc). And both said that when people say "praise the Lord! Old 92-year old elder Timmy died in his sleep last night and is now with Jesus!" they think, "how sad and scary."

This lack of trust in God is disturbing to me. That they think being something on this earth is better than being with God is disturbing. That they value the trivial and the temporal more than the eternal and immortal is disturbing. What does being a Christian mean, anyway? I am a Christian because God chose me. He chose me to bend my knee to him. By doing so, I give everything over to him. All my expectations, all my hopes, all my dreams. Given back to God. Once you give your life to God, he gives his life to you. Beyond fair trade. This only emphasizes my eternal indebtedness. These are my feelings. But I also feel sorrow for them. They know that they have eternal security in the grip of the Almighty, but this part of their salvation they are still working out. Faith is a gift. Because God has given me this gift in a greater amount, I need to share this gift. But it also surprises me to find others without it.

Faith is always something I've wanted. I've always felt that I was lacking in this area. So I prayed and I prayed and I immersed myself in the Word because I believed God when he said, "If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."(John 15:7) I was expecting to become a super-human when this super-power of faith took over. Well, eventually people just started saying things like, "I wish I had your faith," and, "obviously, one of your gifts is faith."

I don't mean to sound like I look down on these girls. I know it sounds like I'm being very egocentric but truly I love these girls.

Well, here's what I said to them, give or take a few words:
I've never been afraid of dying. But I have been afraid of my parents dying. Especially when I was very young. I didn't know what I would do without them. And people would tell me, "Just give it over to God," or, "Lay it at the feet of Jesus," or, "Just lay it at the cross." Do any of these even make sense? But what I did was whenever these feelings came, I just prayed, "God, I know you want me to have faith. I know you don't want me to be afraid. I know you have something better planned." Eventually the feelings would subside. And after many years I don't have those feelings any more. So, that's what I'm going to share with you.

Then someone noted that by continually praying through the feelings each time they arose, I was essentially "giving it over to God." (ah! so that's what they meant. -I can be quite dense some times.)

I'm not afraid to not accomplish anything that the Lord would not want me to accomplish. He has determined my days (Job 14:5) and is in control of them all. Anything he "needs" me to do while on this earth, he will not only empower me to accomplish but he also won't hinder me from accomplishing them. If he receives more glory from me living, then living is what I will do. If he receives more glory by me dying, then die, I must. And I will be quite unable to forestall it. I cannot add one day to my life. I am not suicidal at all, btw. I do look forward to dying, though. "What a glorious day that will be," as the old hymn says.

Well, then the ladies separated from the men to have a more intimate time together and allow the men to do the same. As a group we are reading through Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney. It's my favorite. We're on the chapter where women should delight in doing housework. One of the girls from before, she's single, she does delight in doing wife-y things. She does them for her friends who are single, married, pregnant, hectic etc. She sounds so bitter though when she describes how her friend gets the kiss and the cuddle from the friend's husband. Do you really want your friend's husband to kiss you? ew, gross. Her lack of trust in God is disturbing. This lustful anticipation and lack of contentment is disturbing. To not delight yourself in the Lord and not die to self is disturbing.

If I get married, praise God. If I remain single, it's for his glory. I didn't say anything this time, but someone else did. She said that singleness is a gift. (from first hand account, I have witnessed that this never goes over well with single females who lust to be married.) She said that it is a gift to the married women that single women can come along side them and help do laundry or vacuum or whatever. And this I had never thought of before. I had always thought of my singleness as a gift for myself. However, should the Lord decide to send me a husband and children, I will accept them gratefully! I would very much enjoy having a husband and children. I love men. and children, too. The idea of marriage is very appealing to me. But it doesn't overwhelm me. But to think that my singleness is a gift for others is unexpected. And how true! For a gift is for the common good (I Corinthians 12:7)! So while God promises a good plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) he wants me to use my gifting of singleness (and faith) to serve the body.

Praise God, I'm content. Pray to God that I won't look down on others. Praise God for my gifts. Pray to God that I will use them! I love the body of Christ. I love seeing it in action. I love seeing our flaws, and I love seeing how God has provided for the answer to those flaws. Trust and obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus.

and praise God that he's working on my humility...

There are times, like earlier this week, when I feel the presence of evil behind me with his hand very near my shoulder. Feelings of dread, loneliness, bitterness, and other selfish thoughts hover outside my sphere of “me” threatening to take hold of my mind. And I think, “Can I go through this again? Can I overcome these negative feelings? Can I handle this?” And I remember the last time I was confronted with bitterness or frustration, and I think, “yea, no problem. I’ve got this thing licked.” Not because I can handle it, and not because I know the magical secret, but simply because I am in this situation. Simply by having circumstances, I know I can overcome because that’s the power of Christ in me. He is in control. He is sovereign. He won’t give me anything I can’t handle. It isn’t because he thinks I can handle it, but it’s because he knows that he can handle it. With Christ fighting for me, evil doesn’t stand a chance against me. This time, strangely, all negative feelings simply dissipated. That doesn’t always happen; sometimes I have to fight them off with more than just blessed assurance. Sometimes I actually have to use my sword in a battle, but this time I only needed to touch the hilt of my sword and that was enough to end the battle before it began and send evil running away frightened of the holiness of God.

"Once we agree with God that we exist for His pleasure and His glory, we can accept whatever comes into our lives as part of His sovereign will and purpose. We will not resent, resist or reject the 'hard things,' but embrace them as friends, sovereignly designed by God to make us like Jesus and to bring glory to Himself. "
- Nancy Leigh DeMoss (as quoted on Thinklings.org)